The past one week has been one full or headaches, heartaches and so much more, no, its not Hannatu and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I was broke throughout the week, none of that. I am peeved, mortified and depressed at the way the government and Nigerian celebrities are treating the ABSU case with levity and kid gloves.
When the story first broke, I read on Linda ikejis blog’(www.lindaikeji.blogspot.com) about the gang rape and the circumstance leading to the whole drama, I was dumbfounded and embarrassed to be a human being and a man for that matter, it was the most hideous crime and the pictures were not something you would want to look at twice, I didn’t bother to even download the video because I didn’t want to go through another heart wrenching moment, I was stupefied and miffed at the same time, yes I have heard of rapes, hell yes, I have seen threesomes or orgies, but imagine five huge idiots on an innocent girl? How can you even imagine finding pleasure in that?, I though sex was to be for pleasure or enjoyment (as we call it in Nigeria), but forcing a girl and taking turns? That surely is demonic and smirks of occultism and such (you may wish to disagree). To make matters worse, I heard from a reliable source that the university said it wasn’t in their jurisdiction to take up the case but later retracted and said the university authorities were handling the matter. The state governor allegedly said he was going to take-up the case on Monday (incident happened during the weekend), can you imagine? Why wait two days? Is your duty not to take care of your citizenry? If it was your daughter nko? Is 48 hours not enough for the culprits to make good their escape? Well I was in for more shockers, when barely a day later, the government and ABSU authorities made press statements to the fact that the incident didn’t occur in the state and on their campus to be specific.
I was shocked and confused, why make hasty statements, a girl was raped, there is a video making the rounds, the best you could have done was to condemn the act and try to diffuse the tension, instead you say it never happened in your state and that it is the work of your political enemies and detractors? Please spare me that balderdash, wetin? Which kain country be this eh?,
To compound issues, there are reports that the victim has been identified by some concerned Nongovernmental organizations and the whole drama has taken a new dimension, some much innocent people arrested based on here say and the government still mute, but that is not the reason why I am writing this. The whole incident has taken a strain on me, I don’t know why, is it because I am a father of a beautiful daughter? Or the fact that I am a husband? Or maybe because I have wonderful beautiful black sisters likes Dyenaan Dawam, Abigail Polit, Grace Auta, Joy Rimsah?, I had a shouting match with Sola Niyi because of this issue for two consecutive days at the office, we had divergent views related to the rape case, I was furious and ashamed at my outbursts, but I couldn’t help it, the government has failed us, we provide our own electricity, make our own water, our security and now we need to make out our own justice system? I rest my case.
That said, please allow me to blow a fuse, yes, I wrote on my Facebook wall sometime last week on how ashamed I was being a man and apologizing to all female Nigerians and beyond for the attitude of Nigerian men, I am against violence in any form, especially against women and children, I apologize to all Nigerian women for all that you go through, we live in a country where women are not treated fairly, even if they are, not equally, yes women have their issues, but who doesn’t?, you don’t give her enough money yet you lavish your mistress with a blackberry bold? Or you beat her up because you dinner was served late? Haba Maigida, yes I aint a saint but I have been tutored, lectured and mentored by great minds like Elder Markus Randa, Reverend Sholly Yusuf and Baba Monday Hodus, and I do not have a choice but to follow suit, I may not be the perfect husband, but I will never maltreat Hanny, yes we do have our differences, but together we solve our problems, that is the key factor, togetherness, yes it is very important. I love women, in fact much more than you, but I know where my crotch ends, I have accused of a lot of things, very bad things, but hey I don’t care because if you really know me, you will know where it all stops, I have plenty female friends but we all know where the bridge ends..yes its possible, and inside all of that I can never disrespect Hanny by going round the curve
Imagine disrespecting your wife in front of your friends, what kind of message are you sending to them? That it’s okay to treat her like that? Before you married her, you were so nice, now you act like you are God at home? Yes you are her Oga, but you can’t be her God, you aint in the skies bro, get a life, you go siddon for parlor dey form big man. Guys I am not advocating for the chicks, no, I am just saying you need to part of the family, bringing in the cash is one thing, but being an integral part of the family will solve a lot of issues, if she says help me to grind the beans for moi-moi, please do it, it might even be your key to a new sexual experience (*wink wink*), help her change the diapers, wash the plates and even sweep the parlor, it doesn’t take anything away from you, it won’t kill you, it will create a wonderful family atmosphere which is what every sane guy wants abi?, don’t allow the stress of running the family get to you, there are so so many things I never thought I could do, but now it has become second nature, please treat your wife right, she is the mother of your kids, she deserves better, and for the single ones abeg make una treat your girlfriends well, it’s very important, women are suffering in this country, marginalized , oppressed and expected to shut up. Another story came through of how a guy bathes his Corper ex-lover with acid because she wasn’t interested in the relationship again; the police are yet to prosecute the idiot.
My Oga , hanging out with your boys till 12am is not good for the family and for your health, it’s good to cool off, but not at the detriment of your wife and kids, I love to have fun, anyone that knows me well will know Andy is a “very good badt guy” but there are more important things in life, personally I want a good life devoid of heartaches and drama and the only way to do that is to create a good atmosphere where me, my wife and household can thrive, that’s my formula. Hanny gives me a “hall pass” from time to time, to allow me unwind and do my own things without bringing her into the equation, and I do same for her, I allow her hang out with the ladies, goes for “ÿawo” without me breathing down her neck *where did you go?* or *where are you going?* it gives us a fresh breathe, it works for us, I am not sure it will work for you.
I had a neighbor back in the day who beats is wife at the slightest provocation and brags about it, I was ashamed and surprised, dude pick someone your own size nah haba!, his day of reckoning came when youths around our area back then, who were tired of his attitude, broke down his door one night as he was pounding his wife and gave him the beating of his life, next day, the fool was as sober as you can get, since then we didn’t hear any. Women have suffered enough, guys’ lets do our own bit to reduce these problems instead of adding to it. Love her despite her “wahala”, we all come with plenty baggage, it’s both ways, understanding women is not an option, for me personally I have stopped trying, I just love with all the accompanying “kaya”, believe me it will save you a lot.
Moral of the story? Please let’s treat our women with respect, help out in the house as much as you can, listen to her, make her feel she is important because she is, and try as much as you can to help her be what she can be, give support, deny yourself, and see if you would not be rewarded in plenty folds.
To those rapists, I pray they are caught, and dealt with appropriately according to the law, and I also pray the police will wake up to their responsibilities, stop harassing and arresting innocent people, for bloggers please refrain from sensationalism, check your facts before going online with your stories, and for those on facebook and twitter, same applies to you.
For the man at home (including me) please stop raping your wife, girlfriend and significant other emotionally and mentally (yes oh, you think say rape na only sexually?) it doesn’t help in any way or form, be nice, be faithful , be available, be kind, be accommodating , be resourceful.. REAL MEN DON’T RAPE! BE A MAN!
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