USED, MISUSED AND ABUSED

Didn’t think I was going to write anything on marriage and relationships again because some unmarried female cotemporary told me the reason she doesn’t follow or comment on my status is because I flaunt my marriage at her face (can u believe that?), felt bad and decided to take a hiatus, but hey I am back and going to drop some more. This week has been one that started with a lot of discussions about marriage, relationships, being single and lots more, It culminated when my fine sista Grace Auta dropped some advice and then Barrister Dorcas cornered me too, first and foremost, how comes all the bad chicks end up with the good guys and my beautiful sistas are not married? Is it from their end? Or the brothas out there are not looking for the “#takehometomama type” anymore? For me, I see God fearing beautiful girls, well mannered and respectful, can’t seem to hang on a relationship or get it over the line, so where is the problem?

For one, I can say that many of us give very little and expect too much (speaking from both sides) or maybe give too much when there is no need to…babes you need to be able to read the *tell tales* from the onset, you should be able to decipher the real from the fake, I know it’s a long pole but you got to do it, I was upset when one of my good friends told me she had broken up with her boyfriend because he became a leech, I was like *saywat?*, you didn’t see it till now? Or where you down with love you couldn’t see past you nose?, before you throw sand in my eyes, take time to analyse this..i can tell you authoritatively that most dudes these days are not sincere at all and I say it with lots of reservation because I am a guy myself, yes its true, our sistas need to up their game and stop acting ignorant, YES, ignorant, and I dare say it with plenty respect for the women folk, you need to be a lot smarter because the reason he thinks he can get away with what he does, is he thinks he is much smarter than you. The past month has been one that I had to stay through loads of gist from my single female friends who are due for marriage (if you understand what I mean) and it is based on *their stories* that I make these submissions.

Whatever you read here is based on the entire gist from my interaction with my single female friends and colleagues, it is not conclusive or exhaustive, but it garners plenty ‘#hometruths , yes! Plenty of it

Our sistas need to dig deep within themselves and find ways to accept their foolishness, and through that, they will be able to see the light and not keep on making the same mistakes, you cannot continue to blame *him* for everything that has happened to you, where is your own part in the whole drama, let me give you a cue, you say you are born-again and God fearing, yet you hang around with a low life who sends you on errands to buy him cigarettes and kai-kai, pleasssssssssssse, at your age and level? What do you actually expect from that relationship? Where is that part of the bible that says *do not be unequally yoked*? Dude eats u dry, takes a hike, then u burst into my office and call me and my kind *dogs?*, oh how about meeting a guy on facebook and you believe everything he says, without even seeing him, at a point you start calling him “my husband”, not even fiancé oh, abi boyfriend, but husband, does your mother or father know him? Have you been to his place? Babe, this na Africa ohh, then the guy bails out, you come to do amebo with hanny and expect me to support you?,No way, the truth is bitter but better, you aint a kid babe..You are wholly responsible for your actions oh, and even though I am tempted to agree guys are evil, this one is on you. A female student of mine went to “camp”with a guy during the holidays, she called me and was asking when school will be resuming, I asked her where she was and she told me she with holidaying at “her husband’s” place, I was like, haba when did u get married?, just imagine, no one in your family knows him, they haven’t collected any bride price or even done introduction, you now elevate him to that exalted position, why take the risk, what if something goes wrong, in fact why give him your body on the cheap?, I am not a pastor but hey,that thing between your legs should be given some sort of respect abi how una see am?, ok , so the guy gets his fill, tells your off, you make the four hour journey back to kontagora and start calling me names..Was I there when it was going down?

You can accuse me of a lot of things but I dare say I have long learnt to stop blaming anyone for my troubles; I do a thorough soul searching before I start pointing accusing fingers. I have been used, misused and abused by women, infact I don try for women, I have tried oh, I remember a girlfriend I had way back, who I do cook for every other Sunday (Sunday-Sunday rice) *wink wink* and take to her hostel while she was in school (yes I did, and she is on Facebook too) but ended up broken hearted, I didn’t call anybody names, I just dusted my embarrassed behind and carried on with life, those who knew me well in Jos will tell you of my ordeal with a certain lady who slapped me twice in front of my friends and was generally abusive ( oya kyonne, uche, dan hodus and Sandra Mandy start laughing), yet I didn’t call women b^*t~s or any other names as such.

Remember, this is for my friends whom I have being having discussions with over the past one month, this aint exhaustive and it won’t answer all of your questions, I aint God, I don’t have the answers to everything, I am just pointing out where I think you got it wrong, most of you are making it too evident you are desperate to get hitched, marriage is good but it aint the ultimate, your happiness is most important walahi.

Please, I want to beg my beautiful sistas, you are all beautiful and resourceful, don’t allow any man to take advantage of you, or rubbish you, don’t show desperation because it will make you vulnerable to a lot of things you will regret later, look before you leap ohh, love aint blind anymore, if he doesn’t earn it, he can’t have it. Your body is very very important; don’t think if u give it up, he will marry you, it doesn’t work like that anymore, if u are steadfast and faithful God go pity you give you better husband like he pitied me and brought Hanny to lighten up my *yeye* life.

Abeg make all the mistakes and accusations and cursing stop. May your roads be rough; I wish you what you wish yourself.